WHEN THE BEST ADVICE IS TO KEEP SILENT
I notice more and more often that kind, well-meaning people do not notice how much trouble they cause by the intention of GIVING ADVICE continually at all cost.
I have already mentioned Daniel Whiteside’s saying according to which,
Women hear, think and talk.
Men see, react and act.
LADIES! DO YOU KNOW HOW SILLY YOU LOOK WHEN YOU REACT WITHOUT THINKING, INSTEAD OF THINKING!??
I admit it took me years to understand this and stop doing it.
I see it with sadness how many women live their lives as men, how they react as men, and circulate the feminine energies almost barely.
There is a big problem especially with those women who are in a leading position in their work, and who are also raising their children alone.
They have got used to standing above others, representing authority, therefore they are “dictating” possibly even in their friendships, constantly telling their peers what they should do.
They completely forgot to respect the other party’s adulthood, they are mothering others all the time.
The problem with this is that while an individual possessing lower self-esteem experiences such unasked-for advice as a kind of care, someone who is adult on all levels will feel very uncomfortable when someone “tells” him-her what she-he has to do.
On such occasions, I feel that the other individual looks down upon me, that they do not consider me capable even of taking responsibility for my own life, they think I am in need of their advice.
During my work, I frequently tell stories about others, and myself. I do this when I do not want to influence the other party in her-his decision, I recount a similar situation, and the listener can decide how it resonates in him-her what was said, whether they can identify with it, or they resist it.
I cannot even begin to express how surprised I am when certain people- fortunately, they are few-, believe that I want to make friends with them, and they provide me with their pieces of advice instantly…!
I admit that on such occasions, my mouth remains open indeed of surprise, and I fall silent again and again, because I do not have a wiser idea.
Another case which is difficult to handle, happens over and over with a bio-shop owner. She always starts bombarding me with a thousand questions as soon as I step into the shop.
The trap in this whole thing is that I must be careful how I answer, since she immediately swoops down and lectures me on what I do wrong, what product I should use, what I should eat.
As a matter of fact, she does not care at all about how I am, it is only the direction she is interested in, how she can approach me, what she can pass off on me.
When I asked her whether it was indeed how I was that she was interested in, or she was just looking for what she could call me to account for, she did not understand it because she was only “caring” towards me.
The problem is she has never ever listened to me, never waited for the end of the story, she asked at once why I did not do this, why I did not take that, why I did not use that third product.
Incidentally, doing business belongs to Mercury, it has nothing to do with real care.
It helps, but it is based on logic in the first place, it gets lost in detail, and does not see the whole, it is impatient to listen to a story to the end, it keeps interrupting.
The biggest problem is that certain people -the majority, unfortunately-, are not able to distinguish at all between when somebody simply relates a story, and needs acceptance primarily without any kind of remark, or they tell their story because they need advice.
The most pronounced and most neglected feminine energy at the same time is the energy of the MOON.
Yes, mothering belongs here, too, but an adult person does not need it!
In adult existence, the energy of the Moon manifests as listening to someone, as acceptance, as silence.
When somebody is complaining, wants to share her-his fears, sadness, then they need mostly this energy from the other individual, so that he-she feels the support, the understanding.
An example for perfect MOON energy.
When my sister worked in München, the daughter of her then chief explained to her how one can pretend to speak German.
When you hear a declarative sentence, you keep nodding intelligently.
When an interrogative sentence, you pull up your eyebrows, if the question is repeated, then you pull up your shoulders.
When there is an imperative sentence coming from the interlocutor-which cannot be deciphered from the text of course but the strict regard and the melody will make you suspect that this is the case-, then you keep looking at the ground with a guilty conscience…
The girl was not clever, was not beautiful, she was even a bit dumber than the average, but men were convinced all the same how intelligent, how good an interlocutor she was, and how well she spoke German- while, apart from the greeting, she did not even say a word!!!!
In the communication overload, a woman who can keep silent, more precisely, who knows when to keep silent, is worth a treasure.
Argumentation is rather tiring than soothing.
As I said, the MOON is feminine energy! When someone is circulating this energy, she can be certain that she has made the first step on the road leading to harmony.
Unfortunately, most women have a compulsion to communicate, and have exchanged the MOON for Mercury.
Giving advice is the energy of Mercury, which comes from the left hemisphere of the brain a priori, and incidentally, it is genderless, and not just incidentally, it is the nourisher of disputes.
But let us continue with the art of listening.
When someone is telling us about what is troubling him-her, then it is “gross” to argue in the meantime, to give advice.
It is exactly as if somebody at last vomited out what worries her-him, and then comes an individual and gags them with a rag instead of letting go what has already been used up.
When someone cannot listen to the other person due to time restraints, or simply because she-he is also full of emotional waste which is to be sorted, it is much fairer to indicate to the other that at that moment, she-he cannot pay attention to them, than stopping them with a “clever” remark and ruining the other person at the same time.
She-he must say, “I cannot listen to you right now, let us postpone it to later”, but they must not humiliate the other party by behaving with them as with a child and giving them commands on what to do.
Of course, it also happens that someone tells us about their sorrow because they ask for advice.
Then, if we just keep silent, and say nothing, we also hurt the other person, because then they experience it in a way that they are not important enough to the other individual, that the other person does not consider them worthy even of commenting on the events.
How can we determine when it is the Moon and when it is Mercury which the other person needs?
If it is difficult to decide, then let us simply ask them whether they only wanted to recount their problem, or they want some advice as well.
Let us clarify this first, and tell them our own opinion only when we are sure that the other party wants this, too.
When someone is just pouring his-her heart out, they are not in a receptive state, it is superfluous to give them advice then, we will only perplex them.
If we ask them, we give them time to switch to the receptive mode, or they can also choose to circulate only towards the outside.
This is real understanding, acceptance, when we let the other party process the events at a speed convenient to them.
When we are certain that they are receptive, only then can we tell them about our opinion, but NEVER TELL AN ADULT PERSON WHAT TO DO!
We are neither their mother, nor their chief. WE MUST NOT LIMIT THEIR FREE WILL!!!
We can give advice, but it is not at all irrelevant how we do so.
Giving orders in such a bossy manner, as I said, works in the case of a person with low self-esteem, but will generate intense revulsion in everyone else.
Those who are more experienced, can recognize it more easily what the “story-teller” needs at a certain time. When their eyes appear distant, they look aside, then they are in the process of pouring their heart out. When their attention is focused, their pupils tighten, then they pay attention to our message, they are waiting for advice.
But only those notice this who really pay attention to the other person, those who are not just tattling routinely, not even paying attention to one another, where everyone only wants to say their own story.
I often see this from women who are in a leading position, they REACT without thinking.
This is the energy of Mars, which is clearly a masculine energy.
I, specifically, even shiver with cold – in this case, negatively- when a woman behaves as a man in everyday situations.
They do not even let one finish their story, they interrupt them instantly with some good advice.
Unfortunately, it is at school that they stick this on us.
Who did not know the answer, kept silent, while the good student reacted immediately.
This was all right when we were called to account concerning our knowledge all the time.
In one’s private life, however, one must learn how much wisdom there is in remaining silent.
Certain ladies forget that in their private life, they are not in the world of business any more, and that on such occasions, they usually give advice anyway which is good for nothing, they only hinder or pull someone down at the most.
This is also one type of energy vampirism. It does not construct, only destructs.
Ladies! If you thought before reacting, you would be much more useful members of society, not to mention love relationships.
I mention ladies in the first place since the circulation of the energy of the Moon is their task.
There are men, of course, who circulate this energy perfectly, but this is not their energy.
This is the reason for the fact that in a bad love relationship, it is the woman in the first place who has to work on herself, it is the woman who has to learn to circulate feminine energies, and when she is already capable of this, and provides the man with appropriate support, it is then that the man will be able to be masculinely initiating, that he will be able to behave as an adult man.
Until the man is called to account, she keeps forcing him to the level of a little boy, we should not be surprised if he reacts sulkily, or he resists…
It is a huge problem in relationships that women want to be in control all the time – Sun – masculine energy, they keep calling to account, checking – Mercury – androgynous energy, they are giving out orders, they discipline, punish (by depriving the others of sex or love) – Mars – masculine energy – so they do everything apart from being ready to be accepting.
Then why on Earth do they expect men to be masculine, if women are not willing to be feminine???
So, ladies! Everyone’s love relationship is as she “concocted” it to be.
Accept, concede, and then the circulation of the energy of the Moon starts up instantly. Be more understanding, and then the other party’s masculinity can also come to the fore.
Let us learn to listen to the other party, let it be a man, or a woman, or a child!
Stop mothering adult men, but even women!
Learn to be silent when it is needed, be understanding when that is what is needed, and then, with adequate perseverance, we may be able to achieve that the order in man-women relationships be restored!
Of course, one can choose rather not to change, but then only tears are left.
Nature is just!
Every woman possesses the energies of the Moon, she decides whether she is willing to circulate, to share the energies of the Moon with her fellow humans through her behavior.
If a woman resists this task which was assigned to her by God, fate will make her face events again and again where the energy of the Moon will manifest through grief, sadness, streaming tears.
Everybody can decide out of their free will whether, having been born into a woman’s body, she wants to live as a woman, or she wants to be something, someone else. Only if she chooses the “else”, she must not complain if she is not treated as a woman!
I understood all this at last after a lot of crying, and if I was able to change, then the one is as well who has just faced where she is at fault in her relationships.
If my writing helps you see differently, then it was worth the price of every handkerchief, I did not bawl in vain, more exactly, Ladies, we did not bawl in vain!
Ladies, there is nothing wrong if you feel ashamed a little right now, because then you have understood it, and you have reached a dead point- it is great to win from there.
Feelings must be experienced, understood, and we must forgive ourselves also for the fact that it took us so long to learn the lesson, then we must let go.
I wish you enough courage to surpass your own limitations to reach a higher level.